Coffee is delicious, but Coffee Stouts are even better. That’s an objective truth.

For one thing, coffee doesn’t come with booze. That alone is enough to declare Coffee Stout the winner, by miles! 

But, it doesn’t end there! To get a delicious coffee drink, you’ll have to go down to the local cafe. Coffee Stout, on the other hand, doesn’t even require you to leave your couch, thanks to online retailers like Tavour who will bring it straight to your door!

Sure, you’ll have to get up to sign for it, but the delivery person won’t care if you’re wearing pajamas, a ratty robe, or last year's Halloween costume. 

Plus, while your local cafe might have a pretty impressive menu, it’s nothing compared to the dizzying variety of Coffee Stouts flavored with an array of unusual adjuncts. Here are 5 of our very favorites!

Blueberry Coffee and Cakes - Hubbard’s Cave Brewery - Chicago, Illinois

Chicagoland Stout fans are already hip to Hubbard’s Cave — this crew makes some of the best Dark Beers in the Midwest! And, they’re not afraid to experiment with flavors that more timid breweries wouldn’t dare fiddle with. 

For this Coffee Stout, they go full IHOP, delivering all the flavors of a stack of blueberry pancakes and a big mug of java! To do it, they use real maple syrup, real blueberries, and a blend of whole bean coffee sourced from Ethiopia and Sumatra!

This stuff tastes so much like breakfast, it almost feels like a waitress should come over and offer to ‘warm that up for ya’ as soon as your glass dips below half full.

But, unlike an IHOP breakfast, this Stout comes with a massive 12% ABV! You might want to switch things up after sucking down one of these behemoths — luckily Hubbard’s makes some awesome (and slightly less boozy) IPAs, too. 

Coconut Coffee Medianoche - WeldWerks Brewing - Greeley, Colorado

When was the last time you got a Bourbon Barrel-Aged mocha from your local corner cafe? Probably never, because that’s not a thing that exists. But you CAN get a bottle of Coconut Coffee Medianoche from WeldWerks!

That is, if you get very, very lucky. The super limited Medianoche series only comes out in tiny quantities, and beer geeks scramble to get their mitts on every new variant. 

For this one, the brewers used a carefully selected blend of Medianoche vintages aged for 18-21 months in 7-14 year bourbon barrels. Then, they added a giant pile of creamy-smooth coconut, and finished things off with over 150 pounds of peruvian coffee beans. 

This is the kind of Stout that attracts beer geeks from multiple states looking for a sip. But, that’s normal for WeldWerks — this brewery forever changed their tiny hometown of Greeley just by existing!

What Evil Lurks: Mostra Coffee + Toasted Coconut + Toasted Marshmallow + Saigon Cinnamon - Adroit Theory Brewing Company - Purcellville, Virginia

The hard rocking brewers at Adroit Theory also get down with the coffee and coconut combo, but as the name suggests, this bold Stout goes several steps farther. And step one is a whopping pile of gooey, toasted marshmallow that they dumped into the mash!

Yep, the real thing. So, it really tastes like s’mores. 

But, not just regular s’mores like you make at your neighbor’s fire pit, because they also add a pile of real coconut and plenty of Saigon cinnamon on top of heaps of locally-roasted coffee. 

It’s like Gordon Ramsey made you a s’more, and then you dunked it into a cup of medium roast and took a big bite.

Abuse of Stout: Coffee - Destination Unknown Brewing Company - Bayshore, New York

Destination Unknown (or DubCo, as the cool kids call it) regularly does the seemingly impossible: it inspires New York City craft fans to make the trek all the way to Long Island for beer!

And, the incoming swarms grow especially thick whenever this crew drops a new variant of Abuse of Stout.

For their coffee-infused version, DubCo uses orange blossom honey to add a touch of sweetness and crank up the ABV to a breakfast appropriate 12% ABV. Then, they add a mountainous pile of real cacao nibs and Turkish blend coffee to create layers of choco-tastic mocha flavor.

Mexican Coffee Cake - Westbrook Brewing Company - Mt. Pleasant, South Carolina

Westbrook’s Mexican Cake is the beer that put this brewery on the map. So, when they made the coffee edition, they didn’t change a ton — they kept the blend of cacao nibs, cinnamon, vanilla, and habanero peppers that made the original a hit, and added a heap of whole bean coffee.

Imagine adding a shot of chili-infused mezcal to a cinnamon dusted mocha, and you’ll have an idea of what this beast tastes like. 

The brewers at Westbrook are masters at creating unexpected flavors in beer (just try their Key Lime Pie Gose) so they had no trouble marrying the spicy chili with rich chocolate and roasty coffee flavors. If Mexican coffee cake is a real dessert, it probably tastes just like this.

So, there you have it! Five coffee beers that you can justify drinking on a Sunday morning. Just don’t try to take them to Starbucks and drink them there, because they’ll kick you out immediately. 

They’ll say it’s because they don’t allow alcohol in the store, but really they’re just jealous.