The type of beer you like to drink actually says a lot about your personality. Read on to discover your true essence as a human.
If you’ve ever thought your go-to beer style embodies your entire personality, well, you’d be correct. Okay, maybe not entirely, but like, 90%. At least as accurate as Friday’s New York Times horoscope and far more fun than analyzing tea leaves. We’ve compiled a (non)-exhaustive list of craft beer styles, and the totally verifiable, flawlessly accurate messages you send when you drink them. So what are you waiting for? The time for some seriously important soul-searching is NOW. Drink up!
Lambic: You own a monocle, but you’re too embarrassed to wear it in public anymore after the incident at your coworker’s birthday party, when everyone thought you were dressed as the Monopoly man. You own more than one pair of Italian leather penny loafers.
Brown Ale: You loudly grunt every time you get up from your La-Z-Boy. You have yelled at kids to get off your lawn twice. Today.
Kölsch: You have a pair of New Year’s Eve novelty sunglasses from 2005 that you still bust out every year. You don’t think it’s a party unless the Cha Cha Slide is played.
Hazy IPA: You were in a frat/sorority in college, but, like, a cool alternative one. Your significant other gets annoyed by your sleeptalking, which is usually just muttering “straight JUICE…”
Pumpkin Beer: You are Charlie Brown.
West Coast IPA: You find a way to muscle the word “Pliny” into any conversation, regardless of topic. When you peel an orange, you throw the fruit away and chew on the rind instead. Your Doberman’s collar has the Looney Toons Tazmanian devil on it.
Rauchbier: You refuse to wash your campfire-scented clothes for weeks. You would sleep inside a BBQ smoker if you could.
Bourbon-Aged Coconut Coffee Cocoa Krispies Candied Praline Vanilla Nib Donut Stout: You watch more cartoons than live action shows. When you buy a gallon of milk you let it soak in Cinnamon Toast Crunch overnight so it’s “palatable” by morning.
Gruit: You’re a purist. Meaning, you don’t wear deodorant.
Pilsner: Your “Sunday Best” is a 15-year-old shirt with a picture of your first car on it, tucked into a crisp pair of Wranglers.
Russian Imperial Stout: Your favorite movie is Hellraiser and you only listen to Black Metal.
Amber Ale: You’re cold in summer and hot in winter. While all your friends were out partying in college, you were studying the art of the sword.
Barleywine: When you walk into a room you immediately do an ocular patdown to assess any threats. You had a meltdown at your brother’s wedding when all the cake ran out. Maris Otter is your spirit animal.
Witbier: You once complained that your Mac ‘n Cheese was too spicy.
Belgian Tripel: You made a Spotify playlist that is literally just LMFAO’s “Party Rock Anthem.” Also, your liver hates you.
Barrel Aged Sours: You are really bad at budgeting. You once spent 35 dollars on a single lightbulb.
Kettle Sours: You threw a way overblown party when you found out Zima had returned. You buy presale tickets to every new Marvel movie.
Saison: First off, you’re pronouncing it wrong. It’s SAYZ-AWN. You spend most of your spare time either manicuring your esoteric vinyl collection or tending your herb garden. You haven’t stopped talking about Paul Thomas Anderson since 1999.
Fruited Wild Ale: You’re in denial about pretty much everything and wish you could drink every beverage from a juice box.
So now that you’ve identified what “partying” means to you and which beer style encapsulates your vibe, you’re ready to conquer any beer aisle and track down your sudsy soulmate. But we never said you’re a one-note person -- maybe you find yourself in a few of these descriptions! Trust us, palate preferences can certainly morph over time, and we have at least one of these personalities at Tavour. The most important thing is to be yourself and find what you love to sip. No judgments here, beer is beer.
Written by Sigmund Steiger, resident Snobbish Saison Enthusiast