This Father’s Day, match your Dad’s quirky personality with a beer he’ll love. Here’s your guide.
Every Dad is a special and unique fella’ who deserves to pop open a cold one he loves this Father’s Day. We’re here to help you figure out which beer is perfectly suited to your Dad’s quirks. Is he the kind of guy who charms the pants off a trouser salesman? Is he a reformed 1970’s stoner? Does he cry more than your mom during the Olympic ceremonies? No problem -- there’s a beer for that, and that... and that, too. This guide will help you find the perfect beer for that special guy.
The Cocktail Maker: Your Dad has a home bar more colorful than the streets of San Francisco during Pride Week. Just don’t give him a lighter; he’s got a bad record with “smokin’ shots.”
His beer: Fifty-Fifty Brewing’s Le Tonique Imperial Saison -- Is it a gin and tonic? Is it a beer? Yes.
The Smooth Talker: Your Dad charms everyone, from the grocery store clerk to the postwoman. He may have a fake hip, but he slow-dances the cha-cha-cha smoother than jelly.
His beer: Adroit Theory Brewing Company’s New England DIPA because what’s smoother than a hazy? This boozy one will add a new slide to his step!
The Pie Eater: Your Dad eats a slice of Pie smothered in cool whip nightly. If for some godforsakin’ reason that’s not available, he’ll have a bowl of bran flakes covered in brown sugar and sliced honeydew melon. “Keeps him regular.”
His beer: Zaftig Brewing Co.’s Ol’ Rugger Especial Imperial Stout for a man who lays guilt-free claims on his just desserts.
The Picky Eater: Your Dad is on the beige diet. He’s been making his own macaroni, chicken, and potatoes since your Mom gave up and pursued her passion for Thai food.
His beer: Matchless Brewing’s Original Pilsner because even a beige eater deserves a fantastic craft beer.
Photo via Foodie’s Feed
The Short Fuse: Your Dad is like “Old Man” in Christmas Story, shouting expletives at the slightest provocation. The way his lower jaw protrudes past his upper lip puts a piranha's profile to shame. But you know he’s just an old softy on the inside.
His beer: Upslope Brewing’s Brown Ale is a soft, hearty sipper that smoothes even the roughest feathers.
The Cowboy: Whether your Dad is actually a rancher or just enjoys wearing cowboy boots while mowing the lawn, give him a powerful beer for long days in the fields (or the couch).
His beer: Elevation Beer Co.’s 8 Second Kolsch because there are few things in this world smoother than an Ale brewed like a Lager. #easydrinking
The Dad who Always Wears a Robe: Is your Dad that guy who takes off his work clothes as soon as he gets in the front door? “I’ve got a high natural core temperature!” he proclaims.
His beer: Everybody’s Brewing Sour Cherry Wild Ale because this man is a loose cannon! Pucker your lips; that image sticks!
The Former Stoner: Back in the 70’s your Dad was a real wild guy. A real Zen Buddhist. A real long-haired hippie. Today he reminisces the glory days with fellow weekend warriors over the BBQ on the back porch.
His beer: Bauerei Heller’s Rauchbier, because that charred scent holds long after the pipe’s been cashed -- I mean, the beer’s been drunk.
Via @joshrocklage on unsplash.com
The Football Coach: He taught you how to fist-bump before you could crawl. You spent every weekend on the sidelines, your Dad’s personal 1st Coach and the team’s glorified mascot.
His beer: pFriem Beer’s Mexican Lager because the best sports teams are intercultural!
The Engineer: Your nerdy Dad is the type who knows why everything works the way it does. He doesn’t just answer TV trivia questions; he emails retractions when the questions are wrong!
His beer: The Ale Apothecary’s La Tache American Wild Ale because he loves to sit and analyze delicious, complex things.
The Yuppie: The Yuppie is the hipster of dads, a cool young guy who does cool young things with his kids, like taking them to family-friendly music festivals and spending weekends cruising the local sidewalks on matching bicycles.
His beer: New Belgium Brewing’s Gruit because truly cool young yuppies are above “cool young things.” He drinks “classic,” “pure,” and “thoughtful” with a name he can drop.
The Fixer-Upper: If your car’s trunk door is held open by a screwdriver, the inside of your toilet is a web of half-rusted wires, and your slightly smoking vacuum cleaner still works, then your Dad is probably a fixer-upper.
His beer: Buckle Down Brewing’s Grapefruit Belt & Suspenders IPA -- just make sure he’s got his belt and suspenders on when he puts the cans in his pocket to drink while putzin’ around the house.
The Collector: Your house is littered with tiny collections: vintage baseball caps hang in your garage, there’s a spice rack full of sand from his travels, and he’s got mini figurines of every dog he’s ever owned.
His beer: AleSmith Brewing’s Bourbon Barrel-Aged Private Stock because it will only get yummier over the years.
The Cryer: Your Dad says he watches the Olympics for the luge races. You know it’s so he can get all weepy during the Kodak commercials. He vividly remembers everything about your childhood, first word to first turd.
His beer: Double Mountain Brewery’s 11th Anniversary Barleywine because this sweet and boozy wine grows more sentimental with time.
Written by Emily Stewart
Featured image from @dsmacinnes on unsplash.com